A Word From Heaven

Each of our children has had their own miraculous story of wonder before they were yet born…or even conceived. And after struggling for years with infertility Its been on my heart to share our Words from Heaven and their unique stories. Through many dreams and Words from those who didn’t’ know us our sweet children were born. With Provvidenza, a year before she was a glimmer in our lives my husband came home from work one day and said ‘This is the name of our little girl’…So when we were pregnant we just knew it was our little girl. The funny thing is, I always remember wanting a boy first but just before becoming pregnant with her I had just had this ‘moment’ is all I can describe it as and knew a little girl would bring me such healing. To see her grow and bloom with a loving family- I knew would heal my heart from childhood.

My sweet Liam, early in pregnancy I saw in a dream. My mother was holding a little boy, ‘Liam Ephraim’ … I knew we were having a boy and that was to be his name.

About 3 months Ago my husband and I had 3 dreams in the course of a week that we were pregnant with our next child. Around the same 20181127_085301.jpgtime my little 4 year old began drawing her common picture of women in dresses but this time
she added a little baby inside. She even told me one day ‘Momma, you got a baby in your belly’. A little over a month later I was feeling well, pregnant… the funny thing is although I had been gunning for more children in the near future Jamie didn’t share my enthusiasm yet. So it wasn’t the focus of our lives at this point and as we took the pregnancy test together I marveled that Jamie was so excited to see the little double lines. I was truly astonished because I thought he would be less then thrilled as every time i had brought it up he20181218_103015.jpg would be quick to shut me down and at times get a little flustered. What he said to me really amazed me. He said about a week and a half ago he had a moment with God and it transformed him. He told God he was good with having more kids if that was His plan.

So here we are once again surprised by His grace on our lives in this area. Feeling the purpose and love over our children. Each one with a unique story, unique calling a unique purposed life sent straight from Heaven and into our lives to enrich, strengthen and brighten… to fill us with the abundance of Heaven.

Are we to think any less for any of our children. They are born with purpose and wonder.


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Behind the Veil

seed!Many know our story about the hardship and loss of four babies before we had our two children and the healing of Provvidenza in just the first months of life (read her story here ‘A Thornless Rose’). Although we reap the benefits of Father’s hand in our life and greatly enjoy sharing our stories of God’s deliverance via miracles, restoration, and healing (personally being healed of endometriosis, arthritis of the spine, and sway-back scoliosis with a short right leg- all documented by doctors), I don’t always unveil whats behind the ‘impossible becoming possible’. The fact is that truth is a battlefield. Healing, miracles. and restoration have often been for me/us the effluence of war.

The pressure cookers of life are where the ‘rubber meets the road’ in our Christian walk. It’s where we really need to take a step back and ask ourselves: “Do I really believe what I think I believe?” What are my responses to this pressure revealing what I believe? What am I dwelling on? Am I filled with anxiety, fear, and unrest? What is my internal and external dialogue? This is often a dirty view of our real theology.

Luke 6:45  “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”

Proverbs 4:23  “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”

What is our heart (mouth) full of? Disappointment? Anger? Bitterness? Unbelief? Self-pity? Hurt? Rejection? Complaining?

I can remember the initial diagnosis of arthritis after months of constant pain and the doctor telling me that I needed to take a “pain management course”, hunker down for the long haul, as well as, try out a number of body numbing medications. At a young age of only 24 this seemed ridiculous to me. I was definitely open to the supernatural of God and would have said I believed in healing, but had I ever really seen any personally yet? Would I allow this ‘belief’ to change the outflow of my actions? Would I really start believing what I always said I believed?

I flatly refused the outcome of excepting this diagnosis as permanent and went along with the plan to try some muscle relaxers (until I could barely pick myself out of bed one morning). There I was, left with nothing except this fate.  Or, I could reach for something much higher, beyond myself. This started the journey for me of putting my ‘money where my mouth was’. I turned and chose to march into battle, instead of blind acceptance of the diagnosis. Healing 101: 1) Know the Word, 2) Believe the Word, 3) Internalize the Word until it becomes a part of who we are.

Romans 10:17 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.

And that is simply where I started. The Word says this and I’m gonna believe this until He tells me otherwise. So I began to declare His Word over myself daily. I remember laying on the floor in pain and just saying: “God You said, Your word says!” And as I walked this process with Father God, He began to show me the ‘monkey on my back’ so-to-speak. All the weight I had carried since childhood from issues, people’s words, wrongs done to me – I began to let them go. My heart was getting freed up and in the process my body as well, until I went back to the doctor and had my official healthy diagnosis.

Seems simple doesn’t it? It is! But, in truth this whole process took me about two years until the healing came. No more Rheumatologist visits, no more shoe lift – no more. It took a while for the Word to become a part of me and change my belief structures. At first I had to declare His healing over myself 50 times a day until I really started to believe it…believe who He said He was and why He said He came.

This prepped us for the journey to fruitfulness in having children. When the diagnosis came of upper-stage 3 endometriosis, tipped uterus, closed cervix, polyps, and a fibroid cyst to boot, I knew once again the fight was on. Years earlier, we had been approached at church conferences (out of town where no one knew us) by random people that said something was wrong with me and I was supposed to have children. They said God had a family for me. Frankly, I wouldn’t have even visited a doctor based on that alone, except I was getting sicker by the month and I had a dream that I needed to go. (*For more details regarding our family journey from barrenness to fruitfulness, click the link-Our Journey. ) Now, however, we were in the throws of yet another pressure cooker and another choice: Would we believe in what the doctors said or what God said? Deuteronomy 28 became my life verse during those years (*Read more on that here HIS FAVOR!!! HIS WORK). I firmly believe that if I didn’t submit my body as well as my heart to Him during these precious times, I never would have seen the healing of my body as well as holding my precious children. I can clearly remember one lesson that Father spoke to my heart during this whole thing. He spoke to me about submitting to the process in this because if I decided to fight against Him (even unintentionally), I could create and Ishmael. Did I want an Ishmael or a child of promise? Did I want barrenness or to be a joyful mother of children? He had given me a choice.

I had often heard (even in regards to having my own kids) that it just wasn’t God’s timing or, after having them, that it must have been God’s timing.  While these statements have some truth (because, of course, God has a perfect timing for all things as Ecclesiastes says there is a season for all things), I have found that the core of these statements, for many, is a self-comfort to appease one’s own theology.

Our process for healing and children will not be everyone’s process. My advice when you do find yourself in the pressure cooker is to ask Father how to walk it out with Him. Remember, He came for relationship, not just a destination. Don’t give up or blindly accept everything the doctors say to you. Ask Father and pray about it. If I was to believe all the doctors had to say,  I would have been left with a painful back, an empty house, and a broken spirit.

When the pressure cooker of life hits you, take a deep breath, friend. Know you are not alone. Man doesn’t write the script for your life, but God has a plan for it. Many have gone before you. Find out what Father says in the Bible regarding your issue. Ask Him how to walk out His plan for your life in that area. Speak the truth over yourself until it becomes part of you. Don’t except anything other than what He says over your life. Find a support group that walks with Him and not just ‘believes’ His words but walks in His fruitfulness in their lives.

I hope this has been a helpful chapter in my family’s life. Feel free to comment below or ask any questions.

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A Touch of Sanity

Mother’s often joke about “not having enough time to think” and I’ve certainly felt the squeeze on my sanity but more importantly the need to create a quiet space. It’s a space born of necessity in this momma’s world.

Of course before ‘time suckers’ and the pitter-patter of little feet, time and space were in abundance so the time taken for my rest and ‘centering’ if you will, didn’t come at much of a price or sacrifice. I took it and it was an easy gift to aquire.

But, enter journey momma-hood and a whole new world enveloped me encompassing all moments. The lack was easily felt in a greater way when the quiet space was allowed to be trampled and squashed. It’s easy to become overwhelmed and suffocate as a new mom (and well seasoned one) without some self-care.

My advice to mommies would be take that time even if you have to get up early, or take that baby nap time to place yourselves in the ‘center’ of God’s love. Give Him your heart daily and allow Him to speak to all the newness you are going through; the questions, the emotions, the tiredness. I find nothing refreshes like He does. Proving greater return than a nap.

The days that turn by with lack in this area are often met with anxiety and an intensity with quick attitude flare-ups and overall unrest between not only parents, but parents and children.

Some great joys now in my early mornings (if my daughter awakes) is teaching her this sacred time. I invite her in by asking her to pray for the day with me or I read the scriptures aloud; and if she has no interest she is invited to cuddle, read or play quietly while mommy spends a few minutes talking to Father.

Teaching children to rest is a great gift to give them in this life. They learn not only from watching, joining, but also having their own rest time. We have manditory rest time in this house and it’s usually 2pm where my daughter (and baby boy) spends her quiet time reading or in quiet play/napping for at least an hour. It has taken training, but offers great reward to both parents and child alike. It has often become my quiet space to read, rest, pray, journal and just set myself before my God and be ok being me. It’s my time to quietly be taught to parent, wife, blossom, heal, and recoop.

It has proven to quench the firey darts of the enemy I can be prone to struggle with; fear and hurt which I trade in for peace and strength. And it benefits my children by having a more present mom, refreshed, and ready – quiet-hearted clear of personal clutter. The sacrifice is worth it. The dishes don’t get done, the beds are never made, media fun doesn’t get had, but our family reaps a world of blessings and a house of peace.

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We have all had those days, babies crying, arguing, tiredness, the stressors of life not being put on their proper perch. And no matter how much we try we just can’t seem to get ourselves out of the mullygrubs. Everything is a nuisance and seems way too much effort.


I have found during those times we just need to get outside the box of our existence and exercise some MANDATORY FUN TIME as a family. Obviously we cannot make everyone joyfully participate but I have often found joy takes care of itself when we step outside our four walls.

Our family dates could be a walk at the park, playground time, or shopping. As simple as that and we find ourselves reconnecting again as a family. Life can get bogged down with duties, meetings, cleaning, mealtimes and a myriad of other things. Some of the best advice I have ever gotten was to be sure to separate fun time from decision times in our marriage. Often the decision times in our house can seem to outweigh the fun times. Though I am sure in some households they find the opposite true. Sometimes I wish we didn’t wait until ‘It hits the fan’ so to speak to spend this time but family life is always evolving. It is ever growing and ever understanding the nature of our own unique family unit.

He is ever ready to give us wisdom. And sometimes we need to separate out our responsibilities and weigh the consequences against what God has also given to us- our families to nurture and love. These are the lasting things that matter. Not the house, the job, the daily to-do’s of life.

“For the LORD grants wisdom! From his mouth come knowledge and understanding.” ~ Proverbs 2:6

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“A Heart full of Anger”

Not sure if you have heard the quote ‘ A heart full of anger has no room for love’, but even if you haven’t heard it I’d image you have felt the throws of it especially when dealing with a rambunctious 3 year old or two. Mommies and Daddies have a calling to due diligence. I really like this definition I found in the Webster dictionary ‘the care that a reasonable person exercises to avoid harm to other persons’. The fact is anger hurts. It hurts not only us but also our children. And I’m not talking the initial feelings of anger but I am speaking of the attitudes and actions resulting from our anger.

Children are amazing barometers. They have a knack for reacting to the atmospheric pressures of life they sense around them and thus over-reacting to that pressure. Then we soon find ourselves with them in the ‘pressure cooker’ with attitude escalations, raised voices, and EVERYTHING becomes a REAL BIG DEAL.

Something I have learned when I feel that my world has become a ‘big deal’ is to take personal inventory. Am I angry? Why am I frustrated at my child? Is it really that they are not listening or is it that I am not listening? Am I not present?  And most often what I have learned in those moments (thankfully pre-children) is that in my struggle against self I end up in a battle of wills with my child. My own agenda gets in the way of a peaceful relationship (with my child or frankly, someone else’s). If I wasn’t so persistent in trying to accomplish my own agenda that day I could refocus on my child and relationship. It all goes back to relationship. Anger hinders relationship.

So, when I find myself in this pressure cooker and I’m feeling angry, what do I do? I have to take a step back. Realize my agenda and lay it down if at all possible. And most days I find for myself, that it IS possible. The dishes can wait, the laundry, the house, the shower, the project and the list goes on.


… and some how, I don’t think it’s worth the struggle.

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We’ve all heard the controversy; spank, don’t spank. Say no; don’t say no because your hurting their psyche. Make them ‘do it because you said so’ vs. give them choices so they feel empowered. Be firm but don’t yell…

But what are the facts? Proverbs 22:6 states Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it. But, what does this ‘way’ look like? How do we get them from point A.-birth to point B.-adulthood and walking on a good solid path?

What I have found… well, why should you listen to me…little ol’ me. Grown from the weeds of middle earth, I mean middle Maine. What do I know about parenting? What was modeled to me is another topic all together… So, what do I know? Well, I know the love of a Father. Yes, Father’s heart for the little children but most importantly for little ol’ me.  And it is from this place that a solid foundation was laid. 

His heart begs the question, ‘what if parenting is to be directed from the heart of process verses a heart of control (or aka. to ‘make them mind’) or even fear them into submission. What if it is all about relationship. We see the same thing modeled in the life of Christ. Are we a law-abiding Christian like the Pharisees and Sadducees or do we have a relationship with a loving Father like sinful David? A man after God’s own heart, grown out of the ash of process.

I often think of a quote from the Grinch who stole Christmas… ‘Maybe Christmas perhaps, means a little bit more’well, I’m stealing it for parenting


Parenting perhaps means a little bit more…

More than just making my kid mind, more than obedience and public display.

Do we want law abiding children or do we want deep relationship with our children as they grow and beyond? Now I am in no way saying we don’t want our children to ‘mind’ and be respectful etc. etc. I am talking about the core of where we can begin with these little people. Little people with little minds and little personalities all their own. Uniquely fashioned for relationship not only with us as parents, but through that relationship, they are also learning how to have relationship with Father. And we can have a real impact on this relationship. What kind of lenses will you give your child? Have you ever wondered where some people get the idea of an ANGRY GOD? A God that not only shows them their shortcomings, but point them all out too.

Funny, I used to think that children were kind of mindless drones. Don’t laugh, it really was a revelation to me that little ones had unique personalities. Thank God, He spared me of learning this lesson years before having my own children. But, let’s face it for those of you who have followed our journey you know we have had many a year to prepare! Watching both the failures and victories of many around us we get to reap from their mistakes and strengths a like. But, we all know we will make enough of our own.

For what it’s worth, I would like to share a little story about our sweet Provvidenza. She had a space of time that she was prone to hitting. She would hit pretty much anything within reach. If she fell, she would hit the floor. Ran into the wall, she would hit the wall. Bump a chair and there would be wrath given to that chair.  As this seemed to continue, even to the point of us getting some swats from her, we decided to seek the counsel of those we trusted around us. All I kept thinking is does this sweet girl have an anger problem? What are we dealing with here… So, we and our Pastor friend took it to prayer. Our friend came back to us with what He felt as a word from the Lord concerning her outbursts. That she had a little God given seed within her regarding Justice. She would get ‘hurt’ and know that this just isn’t’ right and I don’t like it. As a side note a few days later we also had an unrelated experience as a friend came to us privately and said that they had often wondered why we seemed to react fiercely when one of our friends were suffering or going through hard times. Then she realized we strongly stood for justice. Well, seemed an amazing confirmation to me. Like Father like daughter I guess you could say or in our case, like parents like daughter’.

Now, we had a choice to switch the focus of our parenting. We could continue with our focus on merely stopping that ‘bad’ behavior or choose the harder route of nurturing the gifting inside her. This sweet little portion of her heart that yearned as Father does to weep with those who weep and mourn with those who mourn. This portion that was filled with compassion for the people as Jesus was. The shift was from law focused ‘no, no that’s wrong’ and into helping her process what was happening to her. Helping her recognize foremost her emotion and then vocalize how she was feeling  (instead of allowing her to mindlessly lash out on some inanimate objects or us).

We could choose to enter into relationship with our little girl while she was in process, nurturing this gift inside her. A unique girl with a unique calling and a unique heart. If our focus had been on merely making her mind because ‘this isn’t appropriate’, through an avenue of control, intimidation or fear of punishment we could have ended up squelching the very gift God created her to be. She is a home for the justice of God to carry compassion and understanding to those around her. A truth seeker for the hurts in her little world and all that wrapped up inside a little seed residing in a 2  year old.  

All of parenting; what we do, what we say, and the boundaries we set up must be seen through a time machine. How will this affect my child, and our relationship in the long run. How are they being shaped. Are we seeing them as mindless little bodies full of bents towards naughtiness or as great gifts carrying great gifting’s that are being fashioned from the day they were created. 



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As we await the arrival of our new little miraSheri62cle bundle (only days away from our due date) I have had much time to reflect. This phrase ‘life after loss’ has stuck with me these past years and I thought it may be an appropriate time to journal my journey in this area, that maybe it would find itself a helpful home within some readers out there who have suffered loss or would like insight from one who has. Though yes, I have lost an uncle, grandparents, cousins, etc. – I am really writing regarding the loss of babies.

Many of you have followed our raw journey while we were in the throes of loss, but maybe have not heard the outcome of such a travesty on one’s life and countenance. I would have to say first that I must answer the questions: ‘Is there life after loss’? – Yes! ‘Can it be abundant life?’ – YES! ‘Is their peace’ – YES!

Now and again, I admit, it has crossed my mind that I am a mother of 6. But thankfully this thought does not bear the weight of grief and sorrow and I am so thankful. I look how far I have come since that day sitting at church when God told me that He wanted to be my comfort. Did I understand then such depths His comfort could plunge? I remember the days that followed when I could barely make it through the day let alone pray, feeling so dead inside. Today I only see the peace, the strength and the treasures of these new little lives Father has brought to me. I see a God who comforts and resurrects from the dead and in the process heals ones inner wounds, especially for me (He used such loss to heal me of childhood wounds that were deep and all-encompassing). He also healed me physically of sickness and disease.

There is life after loss. It can be a free place with great comfort beyond our minds, beyond our understanding.  A place where the pain has been washed away.  It is a place of truth, His truth. A place of Abundant Life…


John 10:10 10The thief cometh not, but for to steal, and to kill, and to destroy: I am come that they might have life, and that they might have it more abundantly.

Sheri48Abundance: more, greater, excessive, abundant, exceedingly, vehemently; preeminence, advantage

Greek: perissós…– properly all-around, “more than” (“abundantly”); beyond what is anticipated, exceeding expectation; “more abundant,” going past the expected limit (“more than enough . . . “).  http://www.biblehub.com

Are you seeing His abundance outflow into your world? Maybe yours is not the loss of a baby. Will you dare to ask? Can His abundance reach every area of my life? Can His comfort go deeper than I have experienced (in any deep areas of hurt)?

May you see His fulfillment in all areas of your life…

Love and blessings,

Sheri Mortillaro

photos: http://www.eastnestmedia.com

Posted in LIFE AFTER LOSS | 9 Comments




We all have a journey.

Today I am here to share with you my journey which lead me through my mountains of abuse, sickness, loss and to the celebration of life, love, peace, healing, and restoration.

We are all called on a journey and we are all called to face the giants on the mountain.

What is your mountain?                     And what have you decided in the face of your mountain?

This choice will forever change your lives; the path you choose to walk will either lead you to the fullness of His blessings or ambling around in mediocrity and lack. Facing your mountain produces for you the very riches of the fruit of His spirit –things you not only reap in this life but the life to come. What moth cannot eat, and soot cannot tarnish.


I know many of us are waiting for God to move on our behalf or family members behalf; there is sickness, disease, threats of divorce, abuse, pain, death and sacrifice. Hopes dashed, hearts broken and loves lost, depression, addictions and loneliness. Some of us have given up. Some of have strived for what we want; creating Ishmaels along the way and reaping little return. We go around our mountains over and over.

But, there is a God who sees. He sees opportunity to make us more like Him by every mountain, and every giant. Through every seeming wall we face He offers peace, compassion, truth, justice, longsuffering, healing, health, wholeness and love. To teach us how to not merely survive but thrive; He offers ABUNDANT LIVING; real living.

He turns trial into hope, hope into blessing. Pain into peace. Heartache to perseverance. Hearts of fear and stagnation to hearts brimming with love and all this is done if we embrace the ‘pressure cooker’ of life and face our Mountain.

~~~~~Here is just a little about my journey~~~~~

My journey began in the back woods of Maine in a hunting shack… I was the oldest of my mom’s children. Abuse lead way to fearful nights (nightmares), and stress… Harboring these hurts, I was consumed with abandonment which quickly turned to sickness; and an anxiety disorder, O.C.D. (which left me counting and washing myself clean), and arthritis (of the Spine). In the heartache of childhood I made a vow and 2 decisions that would change my life for many years to come; setting mindsets in motion that I soon began to reap. I decided that I didn’t want children-all they are, are burdens. And I decided I needed to be the strong one and not cry. I had watched my dad leave and spent many a year not crying.

Fast forward: My husband and I married in 2003… and on our journey God took us to a very dark place in our marriage where the only way I can describe it as there was no light at the end of the tunnel. God had mashed a controlling husband with a scar’d girl- a seeming recipe for disaster… or… the makings of something beautiful if we would only see it through… then in one night, when all was lost, He gave us hope and began to show me how to walk through… no longer AROUND our troubled hearts and thoughts. And I learned to begin to speak over my life, body, and mind the truths of God in His word. He began a cleansing in me as HEALER and RESTORER. As I began to repent-by letting go of the hurts against me for past and present; my body began to get healed; anxiety left, OCD left, and arthritis of the spine was documented as gone!

I really believe this prepped me for the fight of my life; what the world would call INFERTILITY…

Though I seemed to have gotten healed in many areas I was getting sicker in others; monthly cycles started consuming 3 weeks out of the month; with not feeling well and a few days of extreme pain where I couldn’t even talk or move or be touched. But we didn’t think much about having children we just figured they would come when they would come.

Then 2007-2010 began a series of seemingly random events where people whom we did not know and did not know us (at church events we attended outside our home church) began telling us that God said we were going to have kids. They would pray for us, pray healing for us. And we would leave thinking If something was wrong it’s fixed.

September 07 –A woman told us ‘that something may not be working properly or is wrong in body but she said I am supposed to have babies, so she prayed for me laying her hands on my stomach.. How odd

In 08: A man told us at a conference that God had a family for us

In 2010 a little girl approached us at a church and told us that God says you love children and He has a surprise for you coming.

These people did not know we even wanted children. And I had always figured God would just do it! Until one day I was the sickest I had been and through much prayer and seeking God gave me a dream that I should go to the doctors.

This decision lead to an operation table where I was diagnosed with stage 3 near 4 endometriosis (There are only 4 stages and my friend had stage 4 with many operations ending in a hysterectomy, never having had children).This disease covered many of my organs, and because of the severity they didn’t remove any surgically (which they do in lesser cases). This disease leaves many without children and often with other disease. We received a 4% chance of having children and that was before the laundry list was finished. Top that all off with a tipped uterus and a closed cervix the only thing we had to rely on was His word and boy did he massage it into us in these times.

–The list began grow as we were in the doctors sometimes a few times a week with ultrasounds, procedures, injections, blood tests, operations for polyps, cysts, fibroids, etc. etc… but, nothing seemed to be working as pregnancy would bring the needed healing to my body. Once or twice the very operation to remove a polyp would be shortened as the small mass had disappeared.

January of 2012 we found ourselves still not pregnant: WE had a guest speaker come to church and afterwards he told me that God had shown him that ‘I had made a vow as a child that I did not want any children’. Something that no one but God would have known. He prayed over me and told that it would no longer hinder my life.

The next month- February of 2012:-We began joking about having our triplets and lo and behold we were pregnant with 3! After our second attempt at invitro…. During these couple months of pregnancy we went to church and on one particular Sunday a woman (and to this day I have no idea who it was as our congregation is small and I know everyone!) A woman who was sitting in front of me turned and said to me ‘You have been asking God for something, but He is saying to wait; it’s a good thing’…

I remember journaling and asking God that very service what He wanted to be for me. What aspect of Him did He want to show to me? And in the still small voice He said ‘comforter’. My heart raced as I pondered the concept of what He could mean! I was already pregnant, what comfort did I need… unless… my heart was sinking fast!

Then I had prayer from church leadership after service that same day and it was as if someone had stormed my prayer closet with God spoke His very words to me… ‘Sheri, God wants to be your comforter.’ We were told that As we raised our arms in a V towards God He was going to fill us with ‘victorious living’.

WE lost our triplets

This was more painful then abuse, more painful than a hurting marriage, this was guttural wrenching pain. I wanted to die. I told God to take me. I couldn’t even stomach to pray. Why would He do this to me! I love Him, I follow Him!! For the first time in my life I understood those who said they were ‘angry with GOD’. But, what He released in me this day was ashamedness before Him. He could handle my anger, my ugly. He released a great passion for life. He released a wife to step aside and a husband to step up in hearing and leading, He released locked childhood emotions and forever set my heart free to love. Because soon after this, in ONE DAY. The heavy burden of sorrow was lifted and I felt free again and I now know that with God all things are possible to step through.

There were days of recouping… and from here there were more procedures/operations and we had another pregnancy and another loss. But this time I pulled out the new weapon of my arsenal that no man could take from me. I took out PRAISE. I took out COMFORT. The comfort of my God. My husband and I went out and celebrated!

Meanwhile I kept remembering the reoccurring dream I would have about running my race and I kept being captured by the enemy until the third time. The third time through the enemy relented because of my persistence with finishing! My persistence with going through this mountain. My persistence with submitting to the process. Not ignoring, not finding ways around it but headlong; face like flint…

Then God calls us to a rest…

In 2013 We took time to heal and rest as we felt Father leading. During this time I picked up a book By Pastor Bob Campbell Freedom from Endometriosis. The book focused on attacking the spiritual roots to the disease…

Through our journey we learned that as we poured out, He poured in:

As we poured out pain and our fears, He poured in comfort that only He could give

As we poured out our unbelief and disappointments He poured in wisdom to speak over our bodies, future and home what He was going to do not what we were seeing.

As we poured out in humility and heartache (at the many births, baptisms, pregnancy announcements, the loss of 4 babies, anger, hurts, and disappointments.) He poured in His longsuffering, His grace to enable us to move on, and His bottomless pools of strength.

As we poured out our anger and control He taught us how to surrender all and to even reap peace and joy in the journey.

And all this brought us to Valentines week of 2014!

I had a checkup this week with a different doctor with what seemingly was unrelated to disease, and during the exam he asked me the very thing I didn’t expect to hear ‘do you have endometriosis’?. You see I had really put my hope in being healed! He rushed me in for an ultrasound and told me that I needed to get pregnant now because if I wasn’t soon I needed to have more surgeries. On my ride home I was oddly not upset but instead with fervor I told God He HAD to do it. He said He would, so do it! There was absolutely nothing left to be done or tried in man’s eyes. There was nothing left I could do!

Though I thank God for even the short pregnancies and drugs given (via hormones) because they had made me feel better than I had in years! But, soon even that was wearing off…

BUT, VALENTINE’S DAY arrived with joy as I awoke from an amazing dream that I was healed and that He had made all things new…

I awoke to hearing his voice in my ear that healed my aching heart for my 4 babies. He spoke these words to me ‘not all life is meant to be lived for 60, 80, 90 years.’ And with that He healed my broken heart.

–a week later after 11 years of marriage we found out we were pregnant (our 3rd pregnancy)- it was without intervention and we knew she was ours to keep…

How can one ask if going through the mountain was worth it? Was the pain worth it? Was the loss worth it? When you look into the eyes of this perfect little girl. When you sit in peace in your own skin. When you know the comfort of a living God. When you’re sitting side by side a hearing strong husband. When you know the joy of a healed body…you will not wonder if the journey through was worth it.

You will never be a conqueror going around your problems (ignoring them, pretending they are not there, or sweeping them under the carpet). But you ARE more than a conqueror through Christ. You can level every mountain into fields of glory.

For I have found, that if you submit to the process, you come out better on the other side, full of treasures that can never be revoked. Treasure that holds no place for fear, control, anger, unforgiveness, heartache, and trauma. For these were never meant for us to carry alone or for us to keep. And if we give up the weight to the one who died to take it off us we will be free to truly live the abundant life.

Abounding in ever increasing peace, joy and love, healing and restoration.

God proved himself faithful and trustworthy; our little Provvidenza Rose was born November 5th, at 7:07 pm! What a glorious perfect day to meet our 8lb 4oz bundle.

You see about three ago my husband had come home saying he knew the name of our little girl; PROVVIDENZA. Little did we know the weight the name would carry as it wasn’t until we were pregnant that we understood its meaning: God conceived and watched over… The very providence of God.

Have you embraced your journey? Today will you leave behind abuse, sickness, loss and begin the journey to love, life, peace, healing, and restoration. *Face Your Mountain and watch it crumble before a holy Powerful Almighty God.. The God who sees. He sees just where you are…

For those who wait upon the lord will not be put to shame… that’s a promise

We all have a journey.

We are all called on a journey and we are all called to face the giants on the mountain.

What is your mountain?                     And what have you decided in the face of that mountain?

Thank YOU

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A Thornless Rose


My little Rose so small and just hours after being born inundated with what seemed to be thorned hecklings of her imperfection. I nearly choked on those thorns…                                 Rosie was born with hip dysplasia which in a nutshell gave her hips opt out of their rightful space due to shallow sockets and wrong angles.

Steadfastness came from Deuteronomy 28. I had been reading and believing it over andIMG_0861 over again before Rosie was born. So, I knew my baby’s portion was for blessing. The phrase that kept ringing in my ears even before she was born was, ‘perfect in every way’. You know, from Mary Poppins.  It was my portion… it is Provvidenza’s portion, even her name sake. I remember crying straight for days. All the little clothes and first moments paraded themselves before me as she could be delayed in many ways. All the little things that meant so much to a mommy. The silly things. ‘You have your little one’ people declared as if I should be joyful, and I was, but I also knew her portion and this just wasn’t it.  It wasn’t until after the 7th confirmation by different professionals along with the promise of months of recovery to avoid surgery and teenage affliction if she ever dreamed of having an active lifestyle that we conceded reluctantly to the harness. The harness which promised to bring her to normalcy.

We had the brace put on which opened our calendar for pediatric, orthopedic, chiropracticIMG_0840 advice, and hospital techs to do ultrasounds making sure she improved and her hips were in socket as they solidified. It wasn’t even a week later as we continued in prayer and brought her to church for prayer that we noticed her left leg was no longer moving. We made an emergency appointment with the orthopedic to which they promptly removed the brace just in time for us to celebrate thanksgiving. They wanted the brace back on as soon as she gained full mobility. She soon did but we were even more reluctant now to put the brace back on. We decided to make another dr. appointment, besides, there had been many a prayer on her behalf. To our joy the dr. who once insisted we get the brace was pronouncing how he had never seen such a miracle before in all his years. He did not want that brace back on her body. Her leg had totally shifted and her right leg was completely normal. The left only needed about 30% more to go. The orthopedic was not so easily convinced and sent us for weekly observation and another ultrasound while still pressuring us to put the brace on. Another day, another appointment with the ultrasound tech came. The Tech grabbed the dr. (along with 5 others) and to her amazement Provvidenza’s hips looked amazing. She wondered what we had done and marveled that she had not been wearing the brace and received such quick drastic healing. Her numbers improved quite drastically. Her left leg had jumped up even above her age range and just 1 point from an adult angle of perfection.

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Her orthopedic ended up calling us relaying the good news and went from wanting to see us weekly plus ultrasounds to wanting to see us in 6 months!

So my little miracle baby has had her first miracle… we are grateful, we are thankful and my momma heart is joyful to see my little one kicking free and even rolling over at only 7 weeks old! Now isn’t that just the icing on the cake! well, not to mention the sweet little outfits I get to see her beautiful self in, instead of a chaffing body contraption.


 She was born at 7:07, on the 7th the doctor instructed the brace be on her after she was examined by 7 doctors…the 27th we celebrated freedom for Thanksgiving, then at 7 weeks old she proves the meaning of that number- pure perfection and completion.

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And, did I mention that because of her hips we went to church for prayer. Because of the length of the prayer time Provvidenza needed to eat after everyone left. Because she needed to eat we got to save our church from a fire. How amazing is that!

Lets see where this wild ride called parenthood takes us. What will it show us.



“The fruit of your womb will be blessed”~ 28:4

“…and on everything you put your hand to.” vs8

The Lord will grant you abundant prosperity—in the fruit of your womb” vs8

” The Lord will grant that the enemies who rise up against you will be defeated before you. They will come at you from one direction but flee from you in seven.” vs7

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“My Rose”

rose My little Provvidenza Rose was born November 5th, at 7:07 pm! What a glorious perfect day to meet my 8lb 3.9oz bundle. The best day of my life and I will forever look back on that day and that moment as a tremendously joyful experience. She was perfect in every way with her dark hair (just as I had always envisioned), grey eyes, olive complexion, dimpled shoulders and a very quiet disposition as she barely cried and wanted to eat rather immediately, proving herself to be her mother’s child!  It was purely amazing to see her and touch her after so long. I scarcely could see her through the tears of joy in my eyes.


It was only a few years ago Jamie had come home from work spouting, “the name of our baby girl is going to be ‘Provvidenza'”. Little did we know the weight and meaning behind that name at the time. It wasn’t until we were pregnant that we pondered the true meaning of the name, and wonder at its depth; God conceived, watched over…


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How can I explain when people ask, ‘can you believe you have a little girl?!’…Its so funny because just after she was born I kept saying to God… “I CANT BELIEVE IT, BUT I BELIEVE IT!!” I had waited so long, believed so long that when it finally happened it was like a dream come true. “Unbelievably believable” is the only way I can describe it. Even after two months with her I still find myself tearing over how amazing she is and how thankful I am. This I am sure I will do for the rest of my life.

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So thank you Father, thank You for showing me the glories of how you keep Your word. The glories of Your promises and the power of Your name.



We thank You! IMG_0938

~and all praying~


Posted in In the Waiting... | 3 Comments