Many know our story about the hardship and loss of four babies before we had our two children and the healing of Provvidenza in just the first months of life (read her story here ‘A Thornless Rose’). Although we reap the benefits of Father’s hand in our life and greatly enjoy sharing our stories of God’s deliverance via miracles, restoration, and healing (personally being healed of endometriosis, arthritis of the spine, and sway-back scoliosis with a short right leg- all documented by doctors), I don’t always unveil whats behind the ‘impossible becoming possible’. The fact is that truth is a battlefield. Healing, miracles. and restoration have often been for me/us the effluence of war.
The pressure cookers of life are where the ‘rubber meets the road’ in our Christian walk. It’s where we really need to take a step back and ask ourselves: “Do I really believe what I think I believe?” What are my responses to this pressure revealing what I believe? What am I dwelling on? Am I filled with anxiety, fear, and unrest? What is my internal and external dialogue? This is often a dirty view of our real theology.
Luke 6:45 “For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of.”
Proverbs 4:23 “Keep your heart with all vigilance, for from it flow the springs of life.”
What is our heart (mouth) full of? Disappointment? Anger? Bitterness? Unbelief? Self-pity? Hurt? Rejection? Complaining?
I can remember the initial diagnosis of arthritis after months of constant pain and the doctor telling me that I needed to take a “pain management course”, hunker down for the long haul, as well as, try out a number of body numbing medications. At a young age of only 24 this seemed ridiculous to me. I was definitely open to the supernatural of God and would have said I believed in healing, but had I ever really seen any personally yet? Would I allow this ‘belief’ to change the outflow of my actions? Would I really start believing what I always said I believed?
I flatly refused the outcome of excepting this diagnosis as permanent and went along with the plan to try some muscle relaxers (until I could barely pick myself out of bed one morning). There I was, left with nothing except this fate. Or, I could reach for something much higher, beyond myself. This started the journey for me of putting my ‘money where my mouth was’. I turned and chose to march into battle, instead of blind acceptance of the diagnosis. Healing 101: 1) Know the Word, 2) Believe the Word, 3) Internalize the Word until it becomes a part of who we are.
Romans 10:17 So then faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God.
And that is simply where I started. The Word says this and I’m gonna believe this until He tells me otherwise. So I began to declare His Word over myself daily. I remember laying on the floor in pain and just saying: “God You said, Your word says!” And as I walked this process with Father God, He began to show me the ‘monkey on my back’ so-to-speak. All the weight I had carried since childhood from issues, people’s words, wrongs done to me – I began to let them go. My heart was getting freed up and in the process my body as well, until I went back to the doctor and had my official healthy diagnosis.
Seems simple doesn’t it? It is! But, in truth this whole process took me about two years until the healing came. No more Rheumatologist visits, no more shoe lift – no more. It took a while for the Word to become a part of me and change my belief structures. At first I had to declare His healing over myself 50 times a day until I really started to believe it…believe who He said He was and why He said He came.
This prepped us for the journey to fruitfulness in having children. When the diagnosis came of upper-stage 3 endometriosis, tipped uterus, closed cervix, polyps, and a fibroid cyst to boot, I knew once again the fight was on. Years earlier, we had been approached at church conferences (out of town where no one knew us) by random people that said something was wrong with me and I was supposed to have children. They said God had a family for me. Frankly, I wouldn’t have even visited a doctor based on that alone, except I was getting sicker by the month and I had a dream that I needed to go. (*For more details regarding our family journey from barrenness to fruitfulness, click the link-Our Journey. ) Now, however, we were in the throws of yet another pressure cooker and another choice: Would we believe in what the doctors said or what God said? Deuteronomy 28 became my life verse during those years (*Read more on that here HIS FAVOR!!! HIS WORK). I firmly believe that if I didn’t submit my body as well as my heart to Him during these precious times, I never would have seen the healing of my body as well as holding my precious children. I can clearly remember one lesson that Father spoke to my heart during this whole thing. He spoke to me about submitting to the process in this because if I decided to fight against Him (even unintentionally), I could create and Ishmael. Did I want an Ishmael or a child of promise? Did I want barrenness or to be a joyful mother of children? He had given me a choice.
I had often heard (even in regards to having my own kids) that it just wasn’t God’s timing or, after having them, that it must have been God’s timing. While these statements have some truth (because, of course, God has a perfect timing for all things as Ecclesiastes says there is a season for all things), I have found that the core of these statements, for many, is a self-comfort to appease one’s own theology.
Our process for healing and children will not be everyone’s process. My advice when you do find yourself in the pressure cooker is to ask Father how to walk it out with Him. Remember, He came for relationship, not just a destination. Don’t give up or blindly accept everything the doctors say to you. Ask Father and pray about it. If I was to believe all the doctors had to say, I would have been left with a painful back, an empty house, and a broken spirit.
When the pressure cooker of life hits you, take a deep breath, friend. Know you are not alone. Man doesn’t write the script for your life, but God has a plan for it. Many have gone before you. Find out what Father says in the Bible regarding your issue. Ask Him how to walk out His plan for your life in that area. Speak the truth over yourself until it becomes part of you. Don’t except anything other than what He says over your life. Find a support group that walks with Him and not just ‘believes’ His words but walks in His fruitfulness in their lives.
I hope this has been a helpful chapter in my family’s life. Feel free to comment below or ask any questions.